Daddy Issues: What and Why
The need to fit in, to be accepted has plagued humanity since the inception of society. We’ve already established that. Although we must admit, this urge to fit in is higher in some people compared to the other. The scale tips the other way around as well.
The Urge To Please
Some of us spend our lives with this undying urge to please people around us. We live with a feeling of being unwanted, always having to prove ourselves to every new person we meet. For some, it makes them high achievers and having happening social lives. For others, such urges end up in secluding themselves into a corner and cutting themselves off of society in the fear of disapproval. While another class of us, have the best of both worlds and hide in plain sight.
Here’s the weird thing about the Histrionic Personality Disorder(HPD), it comes in degrees so subtle at times, you don’t even know.
To put it simply, Daddy Issues fuck us up in a huge spectrum of ways
Endless strings of parties, booze and grass that don't seem to go anywhere. Surrounded by crowds of people you half know, but not connected to anyone as such. I mean if someone got shot there, you'd actually have to find it in you to cry and all the while wonder if the others can see how little this affects you.
Strings of hook-ups with less reason than a Rohit Shetty Movie (a perk if you ask me), at times ruining friendships, relationships and chances for happiness, for life (Not a perk). Knowing full well how badly you're gonna fuck things up and still doing said things, in weird attempts at self-sabotage (I smell a spin-off article).
Lying just to get attention. Sometimes, even manufacture scenarios to create drama, to gain a degree of sympathy.
You’ve found yourself liking a person and trying to impress someone and lose interest the second they do get interested.
While this is one extreme, on the more subtle side of the spectrum, we find ourselves altering the stories we tell by just a little bit, to make it more “interesting.”
While there isn't a rule of thumb that defines the reasons behind it, there have been some major theories.
Like, if the authority figure (Mom, Dad or Both) in the life of a child is distant or absent, be it physically or mentally, the child never gets the proper approval it needs.
A similar theory says those who receive conditional love, based on expectations that were never fully met, can cause a child to grow up with a general sense of dissatisfaction and the urge to keep trying to impress any authority figure their lives (And inherently failing. It’s a lost cause).
But, if you think you exhibit such behavior even though you have loving parents, a good family and no big expectations, here’s something else you might wanna look into. Trauma.
Sigmund Freud suggested exposure to one or multiple traumatic occurrences of a close friend or family member leaving (abandonment or fate of mortality) would make the person unable to form true and affectionate attachments towards people.
How Do We Deal With It?
Apart from professional help, including psychotherapy, hypnosis and such, that’d aide us the quest to being at peace with ourselves; we could map back our lives. Going through all that we can remember about our childhood can help us trace the exact reasons for our behaviors. Once we know the where it all started, it’s easier to deal with it. A demon is powerless once you give it a name.
The concept of being normal is truly overrated, in the end, all of us are damaged in some or the other way. Even diamond takes damage to become beautiful, why wouldn’t we? It’s individuality we’re talking about here.
But, in order to be at peace with oneself, you must know thyself. And you must help yourself become the best version of yourself.
A single article won’t help you deal with it. You know it and so do I. Read up, educate yourself. To know thyself, you must know other shit. Read More Shit
Also, get a dog. They're awesome.