Why We Love, How We Love
Ever looked at an ex and wondered, “Why in the hell did I fall for her?” or just second guessed your decisions of getting into the relationship you’re in? Most of us have. The answer however rudimentary is painful to accept.
We have cases all around us, people getting to a series of abusive relationships, or on the flipside, morphing into a over protective control freak when in a committed relationship.
What humans inherently look for in a romantic relationship, is comfort. Comfort being the feeling of “home” or a feeling of safety. Our first encounter with love is what we get from our earliest care givers. In general, parents, guardians or even elder siblings. These first few relationships are what dictate the structure of every other relationship we get into throughout our lives, subject to major emotional trauma.
For, example, say your mother is condescending towards you, from an early age you become conscious of how other people perceive you, be it in terms of looks, academics or social stature. But going even deeper into this, you realize, you’re constantly uncomfortable with your true self, resulting in being closed to your partner about your emotions, thus, pushing them away over time.
Another prime example of such issues is Daddy Issues. While this topic is discussed in depth in an article with its name sake, here’s a brief overview. Consider a family where the father is constantly absent, be it physically or emotionally, the children tend to grow up with heavy insecurities about being wanted. This form of parental abandonment can lead to a plethora adulthood issues for the progeny. The subject feels the constant need to be wanted by their partner, irrational behaviors surface over time, such as, concocting plans to make the partner jealous, forbidding them to talk to people of similar sexual orientations, stalking or evading their privacy, the list can go on forever.
As much as love seems like a choice to us, as much as the turns our relationships have been taking till date hurt us awfully, it’s my duty to inform you, you’re not to bear the blame of it all alone. Many of us have found ourselves stuck in vicious circles, wherein we go through the same drill, the same friendships, and the same relationships over and over again… Here’s the good news, there might be a way out.
All we have to do is ask ourselves, what made me like this. Back track, and you might just find some answers that you didn’t even know you were looking for.